The Official Writing Challenge
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Without the paragraphing, this was a very confusing piece. I think you had a good idea here, but it's a hard read in its format.
04/27/09
I think I know what you were going for, but it was a confusing read. Maybe a different format would have helped! I did catch some clever sentences, though. (:
The first sentence describes the topic. I'm afraid that's all I got out of this.
You obviously have creativity in your bones to come up with this, but might need to keep it in your head for a couple days before putting it on paper. Could this have been an eleventh hour entry?
Try again, please-it's in there!