The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Lots of suspense, and a unique entry.
Excellent descriptions. Good job. :)
I totally can tell that this is from you! LOL

I like the suspense built up in this story but the resolution seemed a bit too quick. It also didn't quite fit the topic - though set in the USA, it isn't necessarily about the USA.

You can add more to your descriptions; that will improve the quality of your writing.

I liked it as a stand-alone piece and would like to read more of this in greater detail. Well done!