The Official Writing Challenge
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Thank you for sharing your sweet memories & how you are meeting the challenges that come when children reach adulthood. I can relate!
08/15/08
What precious memories! Good job.
Thanks for sharing your personal narrative of such precious memories of your little one. What a shame that some adult children shut-out the ones who have loved them the most. Good job. :)
The memories are delightful and written with real emotion. I enjoyed the journey.
Very, very nice job. Your writing and descriptions of the little girl were so vivid and clear. I could picture her in my mind. Nicely done.

Since you have requested red ink, here are few suggestions. Remember, these are just my opinions and I am NOT an expert!

I would try to avoid some common phrases and cliches (sunshine on a cloudy day, candy coated memories). Try to use original words to describe things. I know you can!!

Just another idea: Much of your story was written about when your daughter was young. I really liked how you tied into her older years, her playing hide and seek with who she was, etc. Just another way to write it might be to frame the story with the present. You're trying to figure out who your child is...It reminds you of when she was young-flashback to playing hide and seek as a child-then return to the present. It might add a new deminsion to the story. Just a thought.

Again, sweet, tender story.
Very sweet story. I liked hearing about all of the unique memories. Good job with this one.
08/20/08
Sad happy memories! It must be hard being a mother, having to switch from protecting, to guiding, to learning to let go. That would be the hardest part, being a "mother" and not a "smother." Good going. You brought the point out well...Helen
08/21/08
PAMELA, PAMELA, PAMELA!!! Huge congrats on your sencond place!

This was so charming, my friend. I absolutely love how you mix the two different "selves" of your daughter. I do like Kirsten's suggestions of starting out current then flipping back to the memory. It would help it flow a smidge more.

This made my heart hopeful. I could feel everything right along with you (and I love the idea of the spray bottle as rain for Noah! I'm definitely going to try that).