The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/18/08
You captured the children's banter very well. I also loved the tender ending, and how it tied in with the title. Great job!
Very sweet story and good writing. I'm so glad the gradma won, also. I love how you tied that in on the end. I thought you were only going to compare Hide and Seek to the Bible story, so it was nice to see the additional connection. Very nice!
Smooth writing style weaving the children's game into a great message from Grandpa.
08/19/08
It's like three stories in one, and all under 750 words! Great job. :)
I like how you intertwined the different stories together. You made it very seamless, and it all meshed really well. the dialogue was authentic too. I don't think it will be long until you hit the advanced category. :)
08/20/08
I enjoyed reading this - you captured the children's playfulness very well and Grandpas's story and testimony flowed on smoothly. A lovely well-written story.
You caught me from the very first sentence and carried me through the children's conversation and Grandpa's testimony. I'm glad Grandma won too.
Great writing, I love the way it links together. Well done.
08/20/08
A soft, reminiscent story of love. Great! You pulled the reader in right away, and the children's chit-chat and back-and-forth quibbling made it so life-like...I just noticed a little error, which you will likely want to fix, when you can..."I’ll just here and remember--" You left out the word SIT, between JUST and HERE. It didn't spoil the story...Just thought I would point it out...Helen
What a good piece of work! The laughter contrast with the extremely thoughtful ending makes for quite an enjoyable read. I hope my Dad felt that way because the same thing happened to him.