The Official Writing Challenge
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06/13/08
Exposing the envy is one way to remove its power. Darkness has no power over light. Bravely written!
06/14/08
You did an excellent job of "showing" us your emotional turmoil.
06/16/08
From a male POV, your descriptions made me feel your pain and emotions. Good job of show how sharing that pain with someone you love can help ease the pain.
06/16/08
I thought this was very well written: powerful use of imagery, simile, and metaphors. I did find myself looking back through it at the end, wondering if I'd missed something about a miscarriage or being unable to have another child.
06/17/08
Good job showing the feelings and conveying what was going on.
Thanks for showing us the not so fun side of family get-togethers.

Wow, this took something to write! So much emotion packed into here and the pain too. I felt like I was watching it happen through a window and feeling everything for this MC. Good job! ^_^
06/18/08
Excellent job showing the turmoil of envy--the tension came through with all the related emotions of anger and frustration. This couldn't have been easy to write.
A very raw emotional piece. Honesty and pain all in one. I loved the sentence My stories were as old and stale as a box of crackers that had been left open too long, a poor fit for the newness of their experiences. Perfect for the feel of the story.

06/18/08
I remember having these exact thoughts and feelings, and having to "get away" at family gatherings, too. You captured the inner struggles and emotions perfectly. Thank you!!
To be able to draw the reader in and have them feel your MCs pain like that is a sign of good writing. My heart really went out to this woman as I read this. Good job!
06/18/08
This was beautifully transparent...I could feel the tears as if they were my own. Very well done.
06/19/08
Wow! Ouch is all I can say. We have stories in the Bible of women who want so desperately to have a child, but can't. Here, so many thousands of years later, your pain is the same. It was so thick I could cut it with a knife. I hurt with you. How we forget as we loft our babies high, telling of our labor and delivery tales and even dare express our fatigue and woes. We should always have an eye peeled for just such a situation! This writing ability is beyond Intermediate. Congratulations on a well written piece!
Your story was very moving, and touched my heart. Bravely and well done, my friend.
Pamela, this was beautifully written and the emotions it evokes are of ones wanting to reach out to put one's arms around the MC and somehow comfort her. Kudos on this honest piece of writing. Loren