Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Mother (as in maternal parent) (04/24/08)
- TITLE: The Mirror's Reflection
By Corinne Boback
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I don’t like whom I see at all
For I see a little girl forlorn
Regretting the day that she was born.
Oh, mirror, will I ever see
A person I would like to be?
As she was tenderly placed in my arms by the nurse, I stiffened momentarily, worried perhaps I was holding her too tightly. She was so tiny and fragile. As I looked down at the gift in my arms, I relaxed. Seeing the peace and calm looking at me, I knew I was holding her exactly right. Deep, inquisitive blue eyes were searching my face. Instinctively I pulled her closer. She was soon fast asleep. As she slept, I promised my sleeping child that I would never, ever abuse her, and that every day of her life she would know that she was loved.
July 8, 1981 was a day that changed my life for all eternity. It was more than the day I became a mother. It was the day that God in His infinite wisdom began a healing work in me through the life of my infant daughter.
I had been told by specialists that bearing a child was not something I would ever be able to do. Doctor after doctor confirmed that there had been too much damage done to me physically growing up. It appeared hopeless, but God is a God of hope.
One afternoon in early July 1980, I turned to Psalm 37:4 which says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I claimed that verse for the child I wanted so desperately. And almost a year to the day, my heart’s desire was placed in my arms.
I believed that being a mother was the most honorable thing a woman would ever be called upon to do. Raising a child, I was sure, would be worth every moment’s effort when that child would one day fulfill God’s plan for her life. What I never realized was that this child I had given birth to was going to bring a truth about me, a truth God wanted me to know.
Being raised by an abusive mother made me feel that something was wrong with me. I spent years trying to figure out what I knew must be true - that I was defective in some way. That lie from the enemy had me believing I was somehow wretched inside, unlovable and undesirable.
Then a very wise God made me a mother. He knew the real desire of my heart was to know the truth about me. From the very day she was born, the Lord said again and again, “Look at your beautiful child. When you know her, you will discover the truth about yourself.”
As I watched her grow into adulthood, I saw the child I was never allowed to be. I looked at a happy, carefree little girl, maturing and blossoming into the woman she was created to be. I was not defective, unlovable or undesirable I was created to be what this child was, loved and nurtured, so that I would discover my worth in God’s kingdom. I recognized what true love from a mother does in a child’s life. That love gives them the self-worth they need to fulfill the destiny God has for them.
My promise was that she would never be abused, and that she would know she was loved. It was God’s love through me that allowed me to keep that promise. And in so doing, I realized that my own mother was not capable of that kind of love, for she did not know the love of the true and living God.
In every step of my daughter’s growth, I forgave my mother for the things she had done to me at those various ages because of her own lack of knowing God’s love. My heart’s desire had been fulfilled. I thought it was in the birth of my child. In reality, it was in the healing that raising this child would bring to me.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
I now see the fairest one of all.
For I see God’s shining on my face.
Healing and transformation has taken place.
I now love the reflection that I see
It’s the image of the one I was created to be!
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