The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
02/07/08
Wow, What an amazing story, a well developed story line, and wonderful story telling. Some words were misspelled but all in all great job
02/07/08
How tragic--I've heard about these parties, and it's heartbreaking.

Given the title, I expected a lighthearted story...and although you wrote about her companions, I'm not sure the main idea of the proverb is strong here.

I love the little glimpse of the praying mother at the end...nice touch.
02/09/08
Kept my interest throughout, and totally spells out the topic of running with the wrong crowd. Some minor glitches, but a story that happens much too frequently in our world today. Sad but true - and written well.
02/09/08
Oh, that gave me chills. Heart breaking chills. Some proofreading needed there towards the end, but this is good.
02/11/08
This had my heart beating pretty fast, emotional and sad. I'd consider changing the title, I'm not sure to what but I so loved your description of Trail Mix is such a visual, maybe you could work with that? Didn't take away from a well told story, I'm just trying to think of a suggestion.
02/13/08
This had a lot good places, definitely was on topic but the mother-daughter dynamic could be fleshed out more. I wondered why the mother only paid attention when Sally did outlandish things. Good story though keep writing.