The Official Writing Challenge
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The character development in this story is brilliant. I sense that you have in your mind an elaborate backstory. I could see this becoming a book.
You have described a series of events in this story. I think you should use it as a blue print and translate the events you've described here into dialogue and action, and I think you'll have something spectacular.
Very vivid descriptions - and I agree that this could be the basis for a much longer work.
Keep writing.
This is a lot of information in a few words. It is well written too. If you can take one piece of this and elaborate and have us live that part looking through either your MC's or another character's eyes, then we could feel and smell and see with them as we read. Take a look at this guy's work and you'll see what I mean. Keep up the good work!
This is really good, I'm sort of left hanging, because I want to know what happens next here. You've done a good job with showing us this character and wanting us (as the reader) to want to read more to get to know him more and to see if he'll change at some time or another. Great job here! ^_^
You left me hanging at the end - I wanted to know what happened! Like others have said, you could use this to develop and even more in-depth story. Your MC is portrayed very well. Keep up the good work!