The Official Writing Challenge
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You traveled a long distance through this narrative. It seemed like a smaller portion of a bigger work.

I like your imagination and your ability to help us see what you see.

A lot of thing I read are to slow for me. This was almost to fast.

I suspect that it would appeal to a young crowd.
There is a lot of good material here. Would like more details, so keep up the good words.
I hope you expand on this - there are so many things I'd love more details on. This is very good description - a fascinating read!
Good descriptions given here.
I sense a bigger story here! I enjoyed the short descriptions that made this more real, e.g. the Hillary Duff song on the radio, that was really good. Great writing! ^_^
Some good descriptive writing here and an entertaining way to bring across a good message. I could see this being used as a method to open dialogue about Jesus to a Sunday School class of youth.