The Official Writing Challenge
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the subject is compelling and the plot of it works, but something in the form made this piece not flow as well as I think it wants to. you covered the theme well, and I like how you use the same repetitive line to sink the point in, but it felt like it was over too quick. I enjoyed it- I just think it wanted to be a little more (the piece). Hope that makes sense. Meant to be a critique but not critical?
This has to be read twice in order to get the full impact. After the first read the reader is a bit confused - but after another read, the story is clear as a bell. Very creative way of telling a sad story...that happens much too often. Very well done, discreet but obvious, and goes around full circle, from the mistake to the sad ending. I liked it..."It tells it like it is." Nicely done! Kudos!
Nice job of telling a sad truth about mistakes and what they can lead to. Well done!