The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a very interesting story and I especially like the wording of the toast. You write with great detail. Adding some dialog would give your story more depth and excitement. I felt like the ending came too soon. Very good piece.
This is a good adventure accounting. But the end seemed vague. What did they find out about Spirit's trek? Dialogue would help here. But, my what a journey they took!

Be careful of spelling; the one that jumped out at me was "collard" for "collared". And you don't usually need to use "quotation marks" for anything but dialog--they imply that you didn't quite mean what you said.

There's definitely cause for expansion of this story. I see it as a very exciting book for young teens.