The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)
Khia began to survey the house party. It was full of cute guys some with shiny grills and blinged out jewels. There was also a lot of pretty women with their hair weaved down their backs and wearing clothes so thin that you fear with the next booty shaking record that this party would quickly turn pornographic.
Suddenly she was tapped on the shoulder by a very tall brown skin guy with light brown eyes. He looked plain and simple a nice shirt and jeans no jewels or grill just him and big smile with bright white teeth.
“C’mon cutie dance with me.” He said with dripping confidence. Khia smiled as she walked out to the dance floor. Beyonce’s hit song De JaVu was pumping out now. Khia backed it up and bounced to the song’s fast beat. He surprisingly kept up with her and had a few good moves himself. He then moved closer and began to rub his hands all over her. This angered Khia and she moved up a bit. When he pulled her back and started again, she turned around and said, “I’m done.” She walked off the dance floor with dude looking pretty dumb.

The next evening as she walked the two blocks from her best friend's dorm to the store, someone called out, “Hey sexy lady.” She turned around ready to give this guy the evil eye when she noticed that he looked very familiar. He smiled, pleased that he got her attention.
“You are the same guy at the club who was tryin to get you freak on.”
He squints his eyes and looks her up and down. “Oh Yeah! You that goody-goody cutie from the party! This must be meant to be.”
Khia rolled her eyes on his attempt to still run game on her.
“Meant to be what?”

“Me and you, we must be meant to be. What are the odds that I would see you again sweetie?”

“My name is Khia and I’m not from here so it can’t mean much.” Even though she was still being mean, she noticed how he was even cuter in the light; she also noticed that he had the longest curliest eyelashes she has ever seen on a guy.

“Oh yeah? Where you from KHIA.” He made sure to emphasize saying her name.

“Why should I tell you? You just trying to get your freak on.”

He laughed, “Look, I’m sorry about the other night but I promise if you let me take you out, I’ll be a gentleman.”

Khia eyeballed him and he threw up his hands in a surrender pose. “My name is Reggie.”

“Okay Reggie we’ll see.” She began to walk away.

“Whoa! Wait I don’t know your name or number.” He said as he jogged after her.

Khia rattled off her cell number then she laughed as she saw him scramble to try and program it into his cell phone.

“Walk with me to the store.” She decided to be nice he was trying his all to be with her that had to count for something. As they walked, she told him how she was from Chicago trying to break into the music industry and about her up and coming show. He told her how he was born and raised in Atlanta he was going to Clark for business and how he works on hooking up other people’s cars with stereos, rims, and other accessories, he did everything his self and looks forward to owning his own store one day. He doesn’t live at home anymore but has two other roommates in an apartment downtown. After they picked out what they wanted in the store and Reggie jokingly pointed to the condoms making Khia roll her eyes, they stood at the door ready to separate.

“So I’m gonna be in touch so we can kick it before you become a big star and don’t know me anymore.” Reggie said as he flashed a sly smile at her.
Khia laughed as she thought, I think that I can have fun with this boy. “No problem, let’s meet up before I go to rehearsal tomorrow about 12, give me a call”

When Khia finally made it to Kat’s dorm, she fell into her bed. She liked him he was sweet and different and she couldn’t wait to see him again.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 768 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
04/29/07
This has a lot of urban authenticity--very young, fresh, and realistic.

You need to be careful, though, that the urban style doesn't cross the line into distracting grammar mistakes; be careful, for example, of switches in tense and run-on sentences.

Be aware, too, of your audience--if you're writing for Christian teens, your characters need to reflect Christian virtues. It's unclear from this why Khia would agree to see Reggie again.

This is worth expanding, and finding its readership.
Telika Howard
04/29/07
The thinking behind this writing is that it's showing how teens feel in certain situations but is made for adults to understand. Khia agreed to see him again because of his promise to be a gentlemen hence the fact that he began to understand Khia's viewpoints and that she was sticking to them. It will be interesting to see how she continue to stick to them. Also I believe that that's the reason teens are being reached less and less by older CHristians because of their eagerness to preach and not to understand. This piece of writing actually teaches alot between the lines. thanks for reading
Henry Clemmons
04/30/07
Straight-up, good. I enjoyed the story. Nice perspective.
Emily Ritter
04/30/07
I enjoyed the voice in this piece. I understand that the intent is to show someone remaining pure in Christian values from the perspective of a young adult, but please be careful of undertones in your piece. Even if the writer doesn't intend it to be understood in this way, the suggestion of the man pointing to condoms doesn't suggest that there will be purity in the relationship. Please clarify or change points like this when you expand it. Thanks so much for writing.
Telika Howard
04/30/07
Reggie is the opposition in the article he is what most young boys are and what someone like khia would most likely find and meet if she goes to certain places and does certain things...If she went to a wild house party and met a chaste boy who didn't even know what a condom was...then what would that be saying? definitely not reality. The end leaves you guessing as to why Khia was charmed and should she be? this would make the reader see how dumb she was being and therefore how dumb they would be when they encounter the same situation. (helps them to step outside themself and look at the situation instead of being driven by feelings which most teens are)