Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: Pill Popper
By Jess Godwin
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That night I sat in the middle of my bed with my old purse and my new purse in front of me. I turned my old purse upside down and unceremoniously dumped everything onto the bed. Then, I opened my new purse and began pulling out the wadded papers and silica gel packets. I reached in and pulled out a tiny Ziploc bag containing a handful of brightly colored pills. Demerol, Aspirin, and several other prescription pills that I couldn’t identify.
“Oh my gosh! There are drugs in my purse! I’ve got to call Mama!” A quick glance at the clock told me it was 1:00 am. I couldn’t call Mama this late. I went to sleep and dreamed of scary thugs in black sweats with ski masks over their faces chasing me through Wal-Mart. “I’ll give them back! I promise! Just don’t make me give back the purse. I won’t call the police. I just want the cute red one and there aren’t anymore on the shelves!” I woke up clutching my new purse to my chest, determined not to let my new baby be taken from me.
Early the next morning, I drove to my mom’s work.
“Hey Sweetie, cute purse.”
“Yeah thanks. Uh, Mama? These were in my purse when I bought it. Do you think we should call the police?” I held out the Ziploc bag and she took it from me.
She looked at me and back to the pills. “Where’d you get the purse?”
“Someone from the pharmacy probably stashed them there. Just go flush them.”
“Okay.” I dropped the pills into the toilet and watched the whirlpool flush them away. “Mama, I’m going to run downstairs and see Darby!” I called down the hall. Darby was a secretary in the same building and we’d known each other for years. We enjoyed shopping together and I knew she’d love my new purse.
I slipped into her office. “Hey Darby!”
“Hi Jana! How are you? Are you here to meet your mom for lunch?”
“Yup. You like my new purse?” I held out my newest shopping prize, sans pills, to her, showing off the cute cell phone pocket in the front, and the too awesome short straps. I couldn’t stand to have purses swinging around my hips, and this one was perfect to clutch under my arm, right about my elbow.
“Cute, I bought one just like it. Only, I took it back. It was just too small.”
“Well, be glad you didn’t get mine! It had drugs in it!”
”Yes! And Aspirin, and something blue and pink. How’d you know?”
“I wondered where I’d left those pills. That was the purse I took back!”
“Woman! Do you know the nightmares I had last night?”
Darby just started laughing at me. Then I started laughing, and before long, we were both doubled over at the image of me losing sleep over a Ziploc bag of pills. I guess I’d watched a few too many episodes of “Walker, Texas Ranger.”
My cell phone rang. I checked the caller ID. “Darby, it’s my mom. I better run. See ya Druggie!”
“Ok, bye Jana!” She waved as I started back down the hall, my heels clicking on the tiles.
I flipped my phone open. “Hey Mama! You’re so totally not gonna believe this. Those pills? They were Darby’s! Yes ma’am. I’ll be there in about two minutes then we can head to lunch.”
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