The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/12/06
Good poem. Great message!
10/14/06
A interesting take. I kinda wish you'd carified the darts as on fire, though. And I don't think the "Love, God" was needed. But that's my opinion and I think it was great, overall. I liked how we got travel with him during his day. Keep up the good work!
Very creative poem that has an appealing winsomeness to it. We can all relate to this character's frustrations. Just polish up the rhythm some and it'll be a super poem! Well done!
10/15/06
A nice story and easy to relate to. I enjoyed reading this... very pleasant and easy to read.
10/17/06
This is an inspired piece. It packs a important message in an entertining way.My only suggestion is to tighten up the meter and clarify the fiery darts earlier in the piece. For instance-
I cant stand this kind of weather,
Already, I feel like Im done.


Would flow better if written-

I can't stand this weather,
Already, I feel undone.

But great piece well worth spending a little time editing.
Wow - what a difference changing just a few words! A good reminder that maybe one should sleep on a story or poem a couple of days and work and rework it....until it "sounds" exactly right...I am getting the gist of it!
10/23/06
Post more poems like this at Poetry & Poets of God, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/