The Official Writing Challenge
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I nice little slice of life - a life most of us have never known! I'd love to hear more about this group! Thanks for writing.
I liked the picture you created of the different children all jostling together with their different accents. I had the feeling that the story ended a little short - perhaps something that tied it together at the end or connected it more to the theme of melody would have been good. It did leave me interested to hear more. It was enjoyable reading. Thanks.
What I liked - the setting was good and I felt that a real story was trying to come out.
What I might change - I would try to up my first paragraph to make it grab the reader more. You should space the story double spaced and between the dialogue for ease in reading. The ending needs to tie up the story and I felt that it just stopped when you had more to tell. Keep working at it!!:)
Many nice images, but this is my favorite line, -“Spread out everyone” Mother said in that firm no nonsense black American woman’s tone. Everyone was “sweetie” to Mother but she was tough and loving with all her sweeties.
I have read a few things you have written and what I see are terrific snapshots, but not the whole photo album. I want the beginning, middle and your bang-up ending! From one new writer to another. God bless and keep writing.