The Official Writing Challenge
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I really enjoyed this story. I liked the idea of using a child as a witness to other children. There were a couple of minor grammatical mistakes, but overall a great read. This could possibly be polished and used in a Christian childrens magazine.
I loved the description of the Holy Spirit as being the "ghost person" and being afraid of him. I also think the way you told about the twins dying was superb it got right to the heart of your whole message. GREAT job
You would be excellent as a children's author or teacher---bet you love kids
This is great. There is a great need for children Christian writers and this sounds like you would do that well. It seems there is a gap in writings for the age group of children the ages of those in the story. You might want to consider.
Blessings, Princess.
What I liked - Very good story! Good content and a great way to tell it to children. I think you were very real in how they would talk and question. Nice job.

What I might change- just a few times when the beginning of a dialogue should have been capitalized.

Nice writing!:)
I'm with everyone else, I do believe this would do well in a children's mag or published as a children's book.

Keep writing for the glory of Him!
I had Rosie's reputation when I was her age - oh for the boldness of a child all life through. Very nicely done.