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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: NEIGHBOR (06/01/17)
It was late in the evening as my cousin Tina and I sat by the television set, watching some boring movie which was practically drowning us in misery due to its lack of relevance to our African culture. However, after a long day at the flea market, neither of us had the energy to get up and change the channel.



It was the sound of sirens wailing down our road that raised us up from our slumber. As the sirens came nearer and nearer, we soon realised that they were actually coming to our block of apartments.



“What is going on”, Tina asked. I had no idea; so we both got up and peeped through the window. A fire engine and a paramedics ambulance had pulled up right at the apartment next door to us. I quickly grabbed Tina’s arm and pulled her towards the door, as I said, “let us go and find out”. “No”, replied Tina, “things don’t operate that way in this neighbourhood”. I said, “Why, are we not neighbours? Should we just sit here quietly and watch from the windows?”



I was really concerned about my neighbours. In the three months that I had lived in our apartment, I had seen them a couple of times, but had never exchanged a conversation of more than the casual good morning, afternoon or whatever! Again I had been advised against being friendly with the neighbours; it would not be safe.



I knew that I was living in a multicultural and multi-racial neighbourhood, but surely was this a good enough (bad in this case) reason to live like recluses when we could be exchanging our diverse wealth of wisdom and culture?



So when the ambulance and fire engine came that evening, I really wanted to go out and see if someone in the family had fallen sick or had been injured. To just stand there and watch from the window was very frustrating and not according to the biblical principle of what a neighbour was supposed to be. For me, being a neighbour meant loving, caring and inquiring about the welfare of others.



Back in Africa where I come from, neighbours get into each other’s business. Neighbours look out for each other’s families, neighbours watch each other’s houses as a security system. We do more than exchange a casual greeting; we ask for details on who is doing what and where. And when there is a crisis or incident, we all run towards that house/apartment and offer whatever assistance we can.



With all this background behind me and the Christ-love we should be sharing amongst each other, I was at a loss as to how I could successfully initiate an attitude of caring in my neighbourhood, without seemingly becoming nosey.



I have resolved to myself what I ought to do. I will just have to start small. On Mother’s day, I anonymously placed a rose flower at the door of my three neighbours. And I am now paying more attention to the neighbouring young couple with their little boy as they pass by our front porch. Maybe at some point, God will give me this young couple to mentor and a grandchild to babysit. This is a long way from influencing traditions with loving and godliness, but it is a start.



And who is my neighbour? Luke 10:29
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Rebecca Bithyah
06/09/17
A fascinating take on this subject. Something I had never thought of is the way that different cultures relate to neighbours. It's usual practice to give create a new paragraph for each time dialogue switches from one speaker to the next. It makes it easier for the reader to follow who is saying what. I liked how it ended with the MC starting small. This is more realistic than if she suddenly started behaving in a completely different way. Thanks for the read.
Phillip Cimei
06/10/17
You gave the reader a good insight into the difficulties of changing cultural locations.

Just a few pointers to help you grow. I could feel that you have a lot of passion and you certainly could enlighten on cultural issues. Please take these ideas for improvement as a way to encourage the readers to be engaged in your stories.

Put more active words, not passive, in your writing. Passive makes it sound like a newspaper story.

Count the "to be" words, i.e., was, were, have, has, etc.

Check your grammar, specifically commas.

And go to FaithWriter's resource area and you will find a lot of help.

You have great potential and I look forward to seeing some passionate stories in the future. Keep writing. God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/12/17
This is a touching story. It gives the reader insight into different cultures. Those differences aren't just across the world, but across the street too.

I'd urge you to tighten up some of your sentences and start off with the conflict right out of the box. For example, I might edit it like this: Wailing sirens roused me. Tina and I had been watching a boring movie and drowsed off. Jumping up, I looked out the window and saw an ambulance pull in next door. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door.
Tina yanked my arm. "Don't go. You don't even know them. It's different here. We're not in Africa anymore."

That's a quick example to show my point. It needs tweaking, but the conflict is right there, urging the reader on.

You've done some great things here. I like your message. It is important to blend in with our community, but more important to listen to God. I can feel your passion and believe God is using you in many ways.
Judy Sauer 
06/13/17
You really touched the pulse of how our multi-cultural world seems to operate. Thank you for being courageous.

I kept wondering if you ever went out to see what was going on. However, I like how you resolved to be a good neighbor.

Good story with a feel good ending. Way to go!
C D Swanson 
06/13/17
Nice job with this, I enjoyed it very much!
Blessings~
Marilyn Klunder
06/14/17
Very nice job. I especially like your ending when you mention how neighbors interact with each other in Africa and then include our Christ-likeness. You didn't just think about doing something to be a good neighbor, you actually did it! Good for you!

Keep writing! God bless!
Karen Emmer
06/14/17
Great use of the topic. I've been fortunate to live in a multicultural neighborhood where everyone looks out for each other. Many have not been so fortunate.