Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SKULDUGGERY (09/01/16)
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TITLE: A Girl Named Dawn | Previous Challenge Entry
By Teresa Odden
09/07/16 -
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The organization chose the participants and were responsible to issue and monitor the issuance of J-1 study visas. Each visa had to be documented carefully, otherwise the organization could run the risk of losing their government sponsorship privileges to issue directly to students.
Our department was continually overloaded with little manpower and we frequently hired temporary employees. A young woman I will call Dawn joined the team. She was intelligent, kind, and hardworking and it didn’t take long for her to become a part of the team.
Dawn was single, times were tough, and she was hoping to find full-time employment. A few months passed and she came to work stating that her car broke down and repairs would cost $400. My heart sank as I saw the concern on her face, wondering where she would get the money to fix her car.
I approached my coworkers to take up an offering and everybody gladly pitched in. We raised the $400. This wasn’t surprising given the mission of the organization was to “help people help themselves,” and staff were typically generous. Excitedly, we gathered around her desk and presented her with our gift.
Shortly after helping her with car repairs, she commented that she was sleeping on the floor because she had no bed. One again, compassion moved me and I told her I had a bed she could have.
She came to my house with her brother to pick up my childhood bedroom set. While we were packing things up I started going through my closet, asking if she needed a purse, a jacket, etc. She accepted all.
At first my husband was concerned I would regret giving up my childhood bedroom set, but I figured Dawn needed it more than me. “It’s just a bed,” I told him.
A month or so passed and I began opening the morning mail at work. It was common to receive undelivered mail due to postal deliveries outside the continental U.S.
On this particular morning I opened up several envelopes to discover job applications had been submitted by Dawn on company letterhead. Dawn had falsified her position and stated she was an employee of the organization. She also highlighted that she was in charge of issuing government study visas.
This was a serious issue not only because she was using company property illegally, but the threat of the organization losing their J-1 visa privileges. Thankfully, we were able to account for all visas.
Given the severity of her misconduct and the danger to the organization, Human Resources immediately terminated her assignment. Security packed up her personal items and when she came through the front door, they presented her with her belongings. I never saw Dawn again.
It wasn’t until this final incident that we began to question who this woman was. Did her car really breakdown? Was she really sleeping on the floor? Was she so crafty that we were all fooled by her trickery? We came to the conclusion, yes, we had all been duped.
To this day we don’t know the full truth, but the falsified letters gave us reason to see that her actions were shrewd and she had manipulated not only the system, but those who called her friend. Some skulduggery had been afoot and we didn’t realize it was “right under our noses”.
There were moments I regretted getting rid of my bedroom set, but there is one thing that God has taught me when it comes to giving to others. I have the responsibility to help those in need, but once I let go of money or things, it’s no longer my business what they do with them. The receiver of my generosity is now accountable to God, not me.
My heart sank when I heard the trials she was facing, but I had more sadness for her as a woman who had excellent skills, but may never reach her full potential due to her conniving. I hope she learns the value of friendship and honesty, and more importantly, that she finds security and fulfillment in Jesus. I may never know. I don’t even know if her name was Dawn.
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My biggest red ink would be to make it pop a bit more. In the beginning, it drags on a bit. You really don't need all of the back story. When telling a true story, it's difficult to figure out what is important to the reader, because it's all important in your head. I'd urge you to start off with more of an attention grabber. Set up the conflict (even though it's nonfiction, it is still full of conflict) right away. Also be careful about POV shifts. You can't know what Dawn is thinking, and actually your point shows that in the end. For example, how do you know Dawn was looking for full-time work? I'm guessing she told you and of course you saw the applications in the end. Instead of stating that she's worried about money, show it. Likewise with your husband being concerned about you giving up the bed. Did he have a furrowed brow while asking if you'd regret it, or perhaps he paced back and forth when you talked to him about it. By adding dialog, body language, and your thoughts, you can perk up this good piece even more.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic. It's so sad how people take advantage of others, but encouraging to see people with your great attitude.