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Topic: EERIE (07/28/16)
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TITLE: When we show up! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Joan Boyce
08/03/16 -
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The little anesthesiologist gave my husband a forearm shiver to the chest, to get to me. She got my heart beating again.
Our baby boy was born by c-section a few minutes later. As I knew nothing about what had happened, I sat in a daze staring at our baby. Our quiver was now full, actually it was over flowing. He was our caboose.
I woke up the next morning to sharp horrendous pains. I could hardly move. I wondered if I would live to see another day let alone raise my now full quiver.
Nurses were beginning to hover. I had no idea what was wrong. I was in deep trouble and not in any way ready to take care of an infant, let alone the other three at home. The feeling of utter helplessness and pain completely consumed me. I couldn't think straight let alone make a sentence.
As I think back to that time, I was almost absent from my body. My body was reacting to something but I had no idea what.
It was Thanksgiving morning and the pain only continued to get worse. My doctor called in a specialist. In between rounds, the gastroenterologist swooped into my room wearing a beautiful festive sweater. He was obviously dressed for a thanksgiving feast. He checked my vitals and the look on his face said it all. Fear over took me.
With a grim look, he said "this is one sick patient." He yelled "we are taking her into surgery now!" He took off his ready-for-thanksgiving-dinner sweater. Off we went into emergency surgery.
That was 25 years ago.
When I woke from surgery I was groggy and frightened. I found tubes coming out of me in every unlikely place.
As the darkness fell around me that evening, my spirit was depleted. I was sick and scared and in great pain. The blackness of my heart consumed my thoughts. As I laid in the eerie silence of my hospital bed, I wondered if I was going to live or die.
While the night lingered on, fear surrounded me and the eeriness of my own heartbeat was almost more than I could take. Tears began to flow down my cheeks.
An elderly night nurse peeked in my room. She noticed I was still awake. She came in and sat down next to my bed in the dimly lit room.
I remember she had a gruff exterior but she spoke love and truth. Her wise demeanor spoke grace. We talked about life, babies, children and God. My memory of her exact words has faded. But the words she spoke began to stitch me back together. I believe it was more about her presence than anything. She just showed up.
God knew what I needed in that moment. I see it was His presence that sustained me in an incredible dark and eerie night.
That room became for me a sanctuary of grace as I sat in fear and wonder about my future. Hope began to seep into the crevice of the night.
He sent an angel in an elderly night nurse to show up for me.
It's taken me 25 years to put these words down. I remembered the story but somehow never understood the meaning. I've always wondered at the purpose of it all. I realize now maybe it's about showing up. That's all.
It was 9 days of intense pain and struggle to get well. But God blessed me with healing and new life. He took a dark night of the soul and refreshed it with His presence in an uncommon way.
Gods reminder to me is that His dwelling place is in us. No matter how sick or broken we may feel, that's where He resides. In me. In us. In an elderly night nurse!
When we show up for someone, He does too.
Psalm 26:8
I love your sanctuary, Lord, the place where your glorious presence dwells.
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Well written, information sparsely given between fretful emotions leads us on.
You have other days of life to bring out also. Let's have some of them.