The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: GRATE (11/19/15)
How did Kaylin Rizzo end up homeless? Growing up in Beverly Hills, California she attended the best private schools and earned a full scholarship. Kaylin did very well in college until she met Jered. She dropped out of school after Jered introduced her to the drug culture.

Kaylin kicked an empty soda can as she scanned the street for a warm place to spend the night. She thought about Jered. They were together for several years before he died and her world crashed. Jered, drunk as usual, ingested a small amount of heroin. But the combination of heroin and alcohol killed him and left her homeless. Now she was a stranger in a city over two thousand miles from Beverly Hills. With one dollar and fifty-six cents to her name, she had no place to go and no one call for help. A sarcastic thought crossed her mind; I should have taken the course on how to survive as a homeless person while I was still in college. She dropped her cardboard “mattress” on a sidewalk grate thus claiming her spot for the night.

It was Thanksgiving eve. Fox’s on scene TV news reporter, Trever Nelson, described the deplorable living conditions of the homeless. “They sleep on sidewalk grates to remain dry and warm,” Trever said facing the camera. Katlin pulled the grimy blanket she recovered from a trash bin over her head. She did not want to be seen sleeping on the street by anyone. Trever saw her blanket move and walked towards it. He stopped in front of Kaylin. “Hello,” he said, “anyone there?”

Kaylin peeked from under ragged filth in horror at the sight of a TV camera aimed at her. “This isn’t Fox News is it?” she asked Trever. Her Fox fan aunt in California had a severe case of diarrhea of the mouth. If she saw Kaylin on TV, the entire west coast would hear about it.

“It sure is,” said Trever. He pointed to the logo on the camera, “See? It says, Fox. I’d like to interview you.”

Kaylin’s Aunt Myrna was tired after a long hard day at work. She entered her house, flopped into her favorite chair and turned on the TV. It was time for the evening news. Filling the screen were the empty eyes of a homeless person. “Lazy white trash,” she muttered not recognizing her niece. “Go to school, learn something, get a job, work,” Myrna yelled at the TV. “Worthless, totally worthless,” she grumbled as she changed the channel. “I don’t need to abuse my eyes with that garbage.”

“What ya watching mom?” Myrna’s teenage daughter Baylee asked as she entered the room.

“I was going to watch Fox News, but they were showing homeless scum. It was irritating, so I’m watching HGTV instead,” Myrna answered.

“Being homeless is like, so sad,” said Baylee. The doorbell rang. “My date is here, gotta go.” She was gone before Myrna could answer.

“Have a good time dear,” Myrna said to no one, her eyes glued to the home improvement program.

The next day Myrna, Baylee, and her boyfriend drove to Beverly Hills for Thanksgiving. Myrna knew she would gain at least five pounds. Eating at her brother’s was a Thanksgiving ritual, always a feast.

Kaylin was among the record number of homeless people eating turkey in the east coast Salvation Army shelter. “God bless the Salvation Army. Best food I’ve ever tasted,” said the smelly old man eating next to Kaylin.

Kaylin thought about the many Thanksgivings she spent with her family in Beverly Hills, “It is the best,” she said.

After the tables were cleared a Salvation Army officer gave a few closing remarks before dismissing the crowd.

“Thank you for joining us today. We are here for you because Jesus cares about you. He understands about being homeless. Jesus experienced being homeless. He went from having everything to having nothing. Homeless, he spent many nights sleeping outside in an olive grove. He offers you love and forgiveness for everything you need to be forgiven of. There is a path to a new life for you. Come talk to us.”

Kaylin somehow realized her nights of sleeping on sidewalk grates would be ending.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 590 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
11/26/15
Awww! What a beautifully written story, it touched my heart.

God bless~
Lisa Enqvist 
11/27/15
Good work. The homeless and the strangers need someone to show the world their true value in the eyes of Christ. He shared their experience. We need to open our eyes too - and not change the channel when they come on our 'screen'.
Bonnie Bowden 
11/29/15
It is sad to think of how many homeless people there are in the United States and around the world. Homelessness is a very complex problem because many people either are mentally ill or unable to make it in the real world.

Your story was well done, but would be even more interesting with more showing and less telling. The reader likes to make up his or her own mind about what the MC is feeling.
Douglas Eckert
12/01/15
Very compelling illustration of " there,but for the grace of God go I ". Kudos!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/03/15
I think it's important to tell stories like this because it's so easy to forget that there are homeless people out there. You did a lot of telling. Once you switched to the showing, you really pulled me in. I might have started with the Aunt watching TV and then add the other details (although you also need to make sure you don't have POV shifts by going into two characters' minds). You don't need to tell the back story right off but can sprinkle it throughout the entire story. I liked your ending. Many would have been tempted to have the Aunt see her and come save her. Your ending was touching and felt real.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
12/03/15
Congratulations, my friend, I am so happy to see this place. Happy Dance!
Trudy Newell
12/04/15
Ingrid - Congratulations. It's good to see you place. I loved this. I agree with Shann, your ending was touching - and very real. I definitely would have been tempted to have the aunt recognize her - and rescue her. This is much better.