Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: LUST (all-consuming desire; excessive craving) (01/08/15)
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TITLE: The World, the Flesh and the Devil | Previous Challenge Entry
By Grace Merkey
01/11/15 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
I suppose I can if I must.
Surely a good thing this is not,
It goes against what we’ve been taught.
What does the Bible have to say?
It wasn’t good then, back in the day.
The lust of the flesh and the eyes,
The pride of life it decries.
Just to look with wrongful desire
Puts you in danger of Hell’s fire.
Most of the TV ads you see
Strongly appeal to vanity.
Things you do not have, you desire,
Become determined to acquire.
The lust to obtain becomes so strong
There is no thought of right or wrong.
Determined to have your own way,
Not heeding what others may say.
Even if others it may hurt,
Without care, we our will assert.
The desire to look important,
And worldly achievements to flaunt,
Is not the way to please the Lord.
He wants by us to be adored.
Maybe you think that you don’t lust.
Perhaps your thoughts you should adjust.
Ask the Lord to reveal to you
Any way that this could be true.
This is the way to joy and peace.
Wanting your way, to God, release.
Seek first His kingdom everyday.
He’ll hold your hand along the way.
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Great job.
God bless~
My only critique is minor. It felt like you were starting in the first person voice, but the slipped into the universal you and we. I think it might have more impact and feel more like a personal testament if you stayed with first person singular. For example like this:
Surely not a good thing, this is naught. (I know I messed up the meter, but I thought naught was a stronger rhyme than not and the definition of naught is worthless so it packs a double punch, if you could tweak the meter I messed up. :) )
It goes against everything I've been taught.
Just to look with wrongful desire
Puts me in danger of Hell’s fire.
Most of the TV ads that I see
Strongly appeal to my vanity.
Things I do not have, I desire,
Then become determined to acquire.
My changes were subtle, but in my opinion, using first person makes it more cozy. I feel like you're a good friend sharing with me, not giving me a mini sermon. You did a wonderful job of bringing the topic into this poem. You also made it fit for today's world. Your message and passion comes out loud and clear and I'm eager to read more of your natural gift.
God bless~