The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/14
Thank you for sharing this entry with multi-layered messages.

You bring so many truths into
your article, and I like how you conclude your piece...with profound mention of much needed prayer.

God Bless~
I like the way you use words. "Just two little muddy feet that have to walk around through the dirt, rocks, and broken glass"...wow, that was concise yet expansive description at the same time.
I liked what you wrote. Are you familiar with that area? In places it comes out.

The last paragraph had too much - to many ideas or themes.Some of it was not needed and could be left out for a better ending.

I like to say we have the poor (since Jesus says we will always have the poor) so God can test who are his true children. Those Christians who would give and help the poor show themselves to be God's children. The others God will have to talk to and deal with.

Is "without" one word or two? I saw it as "with out". Maybe it doesn't matter.
08/03/14
My heart bubbled with the enthusiasm of the children for what we take for granted. You showed that very well. I was a little confused as to your relationship to them and how you came about meeting them. Maybe I missed it. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off.
08/07/14
This story had a wonderful foundation! You have such a great talent for story telling! I could really sense the scene well as you described little Jessie and her living conditions. She captured my heart.

I saw just a few grammatical mistakes, but reading it over and over many times, then polishing it up, I think would fix that.

One thing that helps me, is to read the story out loud to someone before submitting it. It helps us catch grammatical errors and we also get another opinion on the story.

I felt as though you sort of forced this piece to relate to the topic. And though I understood your premise, it seemed like a bit of a stretch.

Other than that I think you have something here. Especially with it being based on real events. Since my teen-aged years, I've always loved the Appalachian mountain folks. Especially the accent of their speech, and colloquialisms. Many areas are very impoverished and in need of Christian charity and love. Perhaps too often we help people overseas more than we do our own neighbors, and that should not be. Thank you for sharing this. keep on growing with us!