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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Curiosity Killed the Cat (10/10/13)
Fearing the unknown

“…we thank you Lord for you are faithful and just to forgive our sins. Father let your mercy prevail over judgement in my life, in my family, in my nation and the body of Christ. You are so wonderful Lord, your name be glorified Jehovah in the name of Jesus, I pray with thanks giving in my heart, amen!” he prayed as the service started.

After the service everyone was happy, the service was extra ordinary. People’s hearts were lightened from their burdens, there was no word to express the atmosphere (His Glory). Like most of the time they would take some time just to fellowship with one another over a cup of tea or coffee.

Kelebogile is one of the people who left the church last. The route that he was using was dry, he could not see anyone. He was only accompanied by birds singing in the trees as he crossed the bushes. To his surprise he sensed a tense atmosphere and he began to look around; he could not see anything. He continued to walk, funny noise arose from behind, and he stopped and checked, there was nothing. He decided not to move.

In a minute a guy came running from the direction he was going; before he knew it people became many running from there. “Fear not, fear not.” He encouraged himself. He continued to walk; the voice inside told him there could be something dangerous coming.

He ran like a mad person, running away from the unknown. He managed to catch up with one of them. Breathing really hard, he asked, “whaat are you running away fro..?”
“I don’t know, I just saw people running and I followed.” This young lady replied. “I thought there was something dangerous coming.” She continued. “Where were you” Kelebogile asked.
“I was in the farm, making lunch for my kids, who went to school.” she answered. “Ijoooooo!!” she screamed running away. Kelebogile had no other choice but to follow her.

A few yards away from the farm they could see a black smoke rising to the high skies. “Oh! Oh! She was cooking.” whispered Kelebogile. As they reached the farm, the field which used to be green was turned into a black carpet. This young lady knelt down and started weeping. Kelebogile had to comfort his knew friend.

“Losing a job because I followed strangers in the fear of the unknown, landed me into this big mess my granddaughter” as she narrated the story. “Do not follow people but God my princesses, if only I had listened to His voice…” she continued.
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This article has been read 566 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Allison Egley 
10/18/13
There's a lot of great action in this story.

I'm a bit confused. Did she decide to run back to the farm? You have her running away, but then you have her running TO the farm, and you don't mention that she turned around. I was also a bit confused about the job she lost. You didn't mention a job earlier.

This entry has a LOT of potential, if you add a few more details. You also did a great job of illustrating why we shouldn't blindly follow people. Nice job.
Larry Whittington
10/18/13
I was lost a little where the people were running from something but they then came to a field that had burned. Had they stopped running and then gone back home to where the field was?

Your English is pretty good. Be careful with the sound alike words like "new" and "knew". The computer spell checker will not catch these mistakes.

Interesting story to depict the phrase of the week.
Philippa Geaney 
10/20/13
I think I understand where you are coming from -though you must remember we have only the words on the screen, not the whole picture you had in your head as you wrote. I am so guilty of doing that myself. Love your heart that is revealed throughout.
C D Swanson 
10/21/13
This was an interesting approach to the topic at hand. It was different, and had me pondering, so that's always a good thing.

What I got from this story was, that we are to "listen to the Shepherd's voice" and not adhere/follow man. When we lose the ability to HEAR GOD, we are running/heading into trouble with "wordly" things, which will have consequences. THat's what I felt from the story.

What helps me when writing, I read it out loud. Then read it again...usually by that time, I'll either change something, or if it feels and sounds right, I'll leave it.

Good ideas flowing from your content. Keep it up.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/22/13
This is an interesting story. You took me in a direction I wasn't expecting, which is good.

Be careful of little things like extraordinary is one word. Also remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. You had an exciting middle part, you may want to consider starting with something that grabs the reader right away.

You did a nice job of writing on topic. This reminds me of an old folk tale. You did a nice job of building the suspense while delivering a good message.