Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)
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TITLE: Will You Take a Risk | Previous Challenge Entry
By caroline ferguson
05/19/12 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
He took a risk for you
He gave his all on the cross
And his precious blood was lost
What have you got you lose
If Jesus the son of God you choose
A life full of pain days in sorrow and blame
Trouble and strife it’s a hard life
No future to win a life full of sin
No home in the end no one loving friend
I took a risk for Jesus many years ago
It was the best risk in my life that’s all I know
I choose him because he first choose me
And from that day my soul was free
Sin comes knocking at my door
But I have my Saviour for ever more
He holds my hand and leads me through
As every day we share anew
He is waiting and watching for you to come to
So take a risk for Jesus he took a risk for you
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I noticed a couple of tiny typos to instead of too and evermore is one word.I wonder if in 2 stanza if your meant not one instead no one.
Also you use the topic word a few times. I'd like to challenge you to write your story without using the topic word. A good piece is one when the reader can guess the topic without knowing what it is. I believe you are talented enough to pull this off. If you read some of the Master stories you'll see many don't use the topic word.
The rhyme and flow of this piece sounds like music to my ears. You did a terrific job of writing on topic and delivered A divine message without coming off as too preachy. This isn't always to accomplish but you make it look easy. :)