Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)
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TITLE: DISOBEYING IS DANGEROUS | Previous Challenge Entry
By Hope Grizzard
05/17/12 -
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There are many ways of putting our lives in jeopardy.
As children we play with danger in a lot of different ways. Here are a few examples, climbing upon something that will cause us to fall such as a chair or stool.
I had a doctor tell me that a parent, especially a mother, dies a thousand deaths to their children. He was truly right.
My brother played he was Superman and he wore a towel for his cape. “Ronald, come down out of that tree” my grandparents would tell him. “Superman won’t fall-l-l-l-l”,
yelled Ronald as he was falling out of the tree. No bones were broken but pride was severely broken.
When I got older, I played with death more than once while playing chicken with cars, and playing race on dirt roads to see how far we could jump our cars from a hill that was higher than the cars.
Most of us experienced the risk of our lives with the antics we played. Later on in life we ignored our safe health and lived dangerously by eating foods we should not put into our bodies and putting it to risk high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attacks, strokes, and COPD just to mention a few. We would be losing sleep to catch up on TV or a game as we jeopardized our health. Overeating and lots of salt or fried foods would put us at risk of a heart attack and death.
We really could go on and on, but I think we get the idea of being at risk of death when we do these things we ought not. Have we forgotten to list caffeine in our risk foods that are more dangerous than we will acknowledge. A lot of us know the risks but ignore them daily until it is too late.
I remember a young lad that would get up on the roof of his house and jump down on top of a backyard wrestling buddy. He was trying to be strong enough for pro wrestling. He could have injured his friend severely, or broke his own neck. He certainly laid risk aside when he performed some of the wrestling maneuvers.
Laying risk aside means pain in many different ways. Do we listen to the inner man of telling us not to do such and such?
Here is the only scripture I found in searching for risk. I knew I had read one but could not remember where in the Bible it was located.
(Esther 4:16)
INSTANCES OF SELF-DENIAL »
Esther, in risking her life for the deliverance of her people
15 Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer,
16 Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.
Don’t risk your life by doing something silly or against GOD’S commandment. Surely if you what HE said do not do, you are at risk of losing your life immediately or slowly. Take for instance, GOD told Adam and Eve not to eat of the forbidden fruits or they would die. Satan tempted them into disobeying GOD and they were to die. Remember that Adam lived almost a thousand years, and the Bible tells us that a day with the LORD is as a thousand with man. So they died within the time GOD told them.
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I enjoyed this pertinent message. Good job.
God bless~
Some suggestions-use short paragraphs and double space between them. Also make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks.
In the beginning you said you'd give several examples but you only listed one. You did give more examples later but in between was a bit about parenting.
Also you don't need to tell the reader you looked for Bible verses just quote them making sure you give reference including type of translation.
You did a great job of illustrating your points. I liked how you shared personal examples that back up your points. You may want to focus on just one thing either risks or self- denial. You did a nice job of tying the two together but with the word limit it shortens your ability to thoroughly write about both.
I think you did a great job of writing on topic. Though you did switch between first person (I and later we) then later to second person (you) you still shared an important message without coming off as preachy or sanctimonious.
Keep writing you have a great deal of natural talent. I have no doubt that God will use your words to touch more people in ways you can't imagine.
I agree with Shan's suggestions. It was a bit repetitive in the type of examples given. We do have that word count to think about.
Good job, keep writing!