The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/07/05
The idea behind your story was a good one, and my mind is popping with ways to make what you have written more readable. You are using very complex sentence structures. Break your sentences down into smaller bites! There are also times when you use capital letters unnecessarily. Your vision of the future is very bleak. You mention not offending other religions - so is it only the Christian faith that is banned?
02/11/05
I agree with the above. Learning how to write using correct punctuation is not that hard. Check out Critical Thinking Press for some fun ways to learn it. The story was good and definitely made me think of what my own reaction would be to The Pledge.
02/14/05
Wow...you captured what it could be if we didn't have freedom of religion here in our country, or how it could be one day. With correct punctuation and capitalization, in my opinion, this could be a winner.