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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Before and After (05/14/09)
My legs shook as I walked to the toilet, a little package in my hand.
Not again. God, please don’t let it be painful this time. Help me to accept my lot in life.

I’d done this so many times before. Each month the same. Torturously the same. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t accept it. So many women experienced the same as me. But each month I hoped for something different, that it’d just be the facts of life, and that the pain and depression wouldn’t render me to days off work, crying in bed.

George was so sensitive and kind about it. I was sure I didn’t deserve him. It didn’t seem to matter how I responded, he’d let me be that way; explosive, detached, blaming, reclusive. He never lost his patience or resented me, despite no preparation for what mood I’d be in.

We’d prayed together so many times, that if there was something wrong, God would heal me. George kept trusting God, while I kept questioning.

I sat on the toilet and waited to pee. It always took ages when I was anxious. The toilet paper was damp, but stain free. I’d already unwrapped the packaging to be ready. As soon as I got up it would probably start, so I sat there and waited. And waited.

Father, please prepare me for this, I prayed before I looked. I ran out screaming to George with my pants still around my ankles. For the first time in our lives, after I peed, there were two blue lines.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
05/21/09
Suprisingly short. You had a good build up and a happy ending outcome. Interesting piece-thanks for sharing.
Avigail David
05/22/09
I don't know you, but I have prayed that you experience God's tender love and healing for you.

Writing is a wonderful gift from GOD. May we use this gift as vessels of his mercies and righteousness in Christ Jesus; proclaiming His glory, honour with reverent fear.

God is near to those who call upon His holy, sweet Name.

Thank you for sharing.
Emily Gibson
05/23/09
I've been there, in that painful barren place, and eventually, as God taught us patience, we had three children. This is a lovely before and after--I think you could have expanded even more on the sadness of wanting children but not being blessed.