Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "It's No Use Crying over Spilt Milk" (without using the actual phrase or literal exampl (02/07/08)
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TITLE: No Going Back | Previous Challenge Entry
By Brigitte Hidalgo
02/11/08 -
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She raced across the foyer, up the stairs, into her pleasant pink gingham bedroom and
belly flopped onto her queensized bed. The stored tears heaved out of her tiny frame. She
could no longer keep the dam in tact. She wailed loudly for what seemed hours, then
when she grew weak and empty of tears, she continued tearlessly wretching in complete
emotional anguish. "Again", she thought, "again,...I have been rejected! What's wrong with
me Jesus?"
She recalled how she met Tim, tormenting herself with a mental slide show of his face.
He was recently added to the worship team at church. He was tall, lean and very sweet.
She watched him many Sundays dreaming and imagining he could be the one for her. She
prayed for years to find a Christian man to fulfill her dreams, and lifetime fantasy of the perfect
home complete with three children.She had all the names picked already! She knew where
they'd live and where they would vacation each summer. All she needed was the man!
All Becca's friends were married. Most had children well into elementary school, and some
even middle school aged. She longed for what they all had. She longed for romance and for
someone to lay beside each night. She laughed at herself out loud, as she looked at her
childish teddy bear collection that lined her pillows. These rediculous toys had become the
alternative to a man. She peered around her room and realized how very pathetic she had
become. She was a 36 year old teenager!
She felt cold inside and without hope. She really wondered if there was anyone anywhere that
would or could love her. She wandered to the bathroom to grab the valium her doctor had
easily prescribed for her anxiety. She had escalated from 5 mg to the 10 mg tablet 3 months
ago. She recently found little comfort in the 10 mg and had been taking two tablets. She
didn't take them at the same time, but staggered them to keep control. She would take
the first one then perhaps 45 min later the 2nd. And a warm fuzziness would relax her mind
and help her to cope. Today she decided she would take both at the same time. God knew
the pain of rejection was just too much.
As she held her lavender cup to the faucet she caught her reflection in the mirror. She was
slapped with the face she saw. The two pills fell from her hand into the sink and the water
carried them down the drain. She didn't notice.
"Momma?" she whispered. Then, "Momma!" she gasped catching her breath painfully in
her breastbone. It was remarkable to see her mother in her own face. She recalled the deep
lines of her mom's tormented face, and the red swollen eyes caused by her years of drug
and alcohol abuse. Becca had lost her mom when she was 17 to an accidental overdose.
Some folks in the small town had whispered that it may not have been "accidental" at
all. Becca knew the rumors and had decided early on she would be nothing like Lucille!
She stopped calling her mother "Momma" when she was 15. Becca felt it more suitable
to refer to her by her given name. Somehow it eased the pain of the disappointment of
her neglected childhood.
But now Becca just repeated "momma" over and over as she viewed her face from every
angle in the mirror. She became raw with realization that she had not just grown to physically
look like her mother, but she was repeating her mother's mistakes. Becca's mind raced as
she saw how she had been bellyaching and dramatizing each disappointment of her life
just as she had watched her mom do. Lucille had difficulties with men, with friends, with jobs,
with just about everything. Becca felt she had overcome all the demons of her past when
she found Jesus. She was shocked to see for the first time she hadn't been healed from her
past at all. She had mourning it for years!
Becca dropped to her knees and wept real tears in prayer. "Oh Jesus!" she cried out to
her Heavenly Father, "I am so tired of my junk. I see now that I have been operating from
a place of pain and fear for so long that I haven't been able to receive the healing that you,
and only you offer. I see so clearly now that I cannot be in relationship with anyone
until I stop my childish tantrums over things I can't control. I understand now that
I must forgive Momma. And I must trust you to help me heal. I know I need to find the
me that your want me to be, and not the unrealistic woman I fantasize about being. Jesus,
I am ready to start trusting you with my future, and even with my past...today."
Becca pulled herself up tall, poured the bottle of valium into the toilet and flushed. She
smiled wide at her reflection. She flopped back on her bed with her bible and said out
loud, "Let the healing begin!" She felt the Savior romance her as she began to read from
His book.
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Laury
His book. "
I love this ending. Good job.