The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/14/06
Thank you for sharing your heart. Good story. A little work on mechanics, punctuation, spacing etc. would make your story even better. You have a heart willing to share, to be exposed, not scared. Work on some of the things to make the story more presentable and you wil be on your way. God Bless!
07/17/06
You have a very read-able, pleasant voice. A few suggestions: break up longer paragraphs into shorter segments, and polish your ending. I very much enjoyed your essay.