The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 923 times
Member Comments
You express yourself clearly and have an excellent point in this story. Now what you'll want to do is study the short story as a genre, and watch how the published authors paint a picture with words. They don't explain everything to the reader, but rather they show it, so the reader can pick up the action and emotions by watching facial expressions, etc. If you'd like more explanation, feel free to PM me! And keep writing; you've got the foundation of a good command of language!
I agree with Sherry; you have the foundations to become a masterful writer.

This story would be even better if you 'showed' us and didn't just 'tell' us. For instance, you could let us 'hear' what Lisa's mom was screaming at her as Miss Linda came to the door or let us 'see' the reaction one church member had when approached by one of the children.

I would advise you not to make the differences between Miss Linda's church family and the children she ministers to too drastic. Even middle class churches can be guilty of snobbery when faced with people in extreme poverty or sin. The 'new cars, fur coats, and diamond rings' lets too many Christians believe you are not giving this message to them, thereby letting them 'off the hook'.

How many Christians are as insensitive as the No Purpose Church. And how many would be turned around by some personal interaction with those in need? Good message!
Your writing is interesting and you make the message easy to digest. [Only one distraction I noticed, that a wee bit of editing will fix: "Lisa steps over her mother, with tears in her eyes, that Miss Linda had given to her in October."] I'm glad the church got its eyes open! God bless your writing!