Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)
-
TITLE: In the Midst of Tears | Previous Challenge Entry
By Keli Sams
05/21/06 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
I was young, foolish and in love. There were many things looking back that might have sent red flags to a woman not blinded by love, but blind I was. The courtship was a whirl wind, knock you off your feet, hard to catch your breath experience. There was no time to think and before I knew it we were engaged. Craig seemed to be everything I had ever longed for; romantic, attentive, and a man of integrity. We had only been together four months but he was insistent that we get married as soon as possible. Eager to begin our new life together; we said our I do’s.
Those were the last of the happy times I can remember for many years. The mask came off on our honeymoon and underneath was the ugly face of abuse. I was married to a man I did not recognize. Until then I had never seen him drink, heard him curse, or watched the throbbing vein in his head as he blew his temper. The drinking seemed to ignite and then fuel his violent outbursts and cruelty. I prayed for the man that I married to reappear but soon realized that person was never a reality.
Living a city far away from any family and friends I was isolated and without support from those I trusted. And so began a down hill spiral. The steady verbal abuse sent my self esteem crashing down and left me full of doubts and shame. I felt worthless and began to believe I deserved punishment. The physical abuse left me bruised, battered, and weak. After each attack the man I loved would apologize giving me hope that he could and would change. This hope kept me alive to face another day of the same abuse. I knew that God was bigger than both of us and I continued to pray for my husband’s salvation even in the midst of my tears.
I was eight months pregnant at the turning point of my despair. One evening before Craig had returned home from his weekly business trip I received a call that further pierced and bruised my heart. The man claimed to be the husband of a woman with whom Craig was committing adultery. When Craig’s car pulled into the driveway I prayed for wisdom. When I mentioned the call, his smirk said it all. There was no denial; he just left without a word.
At three o’clock the following morning I heard the key in the front door. Sloppy drunk he cursed and blamed me for his affair. If I had not of gained so much weight during the pregnancy he would not have been forced to look at other women. He beat me in the head until my ears rang; he then vomited in the bed, and passed out cold. Pulling myself up from where I had been cowering I stripped the bed and loaded the washer with the soiled linens. Overloaded, the water began to flood the kitchen floor. Like the washing machine I too was overloaded. My eyes began to overflow. There I was soaked on the kitchen floor completely prostrate before the thrown of God. I begged for the salvation of my husband and for peace and joy to fill our home.
“Dear Lord, where is the joy?” I sobbed.
It was then that God spoke to my heart. I was reminded of the verse in Nehemiah 8:10 which says, "the joy of the LORD is your strength." In Him my sufferings are blessings and battles victories. He did not promise a life with no tears but he did promise an intense spiritual joy through knowing Him. Craig did not have the power to take my joy for in John 16:22 Jesus said. “And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.”
Six months after the birth of our daughter Craig left our marriage for another woman. It’s been almost fifteen years now and I continue to pray that he will find a joy that is not based on drink, success, or physical pleasure. There are many Craig’s in this world who thrive on domestic violence. Today as a volunteer at a local shelter for battered women I encourage them not to loose their joy. Look to the Savior. For when joy is unbroken we are victorious against evil.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.