The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/06/06
I really like the concept of love as a binding agent. I think it would have been great if you'd have expanded on that, perhaps make that the focus of your piece. It meanders a bit, otherwise. Work on focusing your essay on only one or two key concepts, and your writing will stand out. You had some lovely things to say here; keep writing!
this is a good piece. You do need to skip a line between paragraphs for easier reading though. Good job.