The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/30/06
First of all--good for Tawny! She's a young lady who knows where to turn for strength in the middle of hard circumstances. Good job writing this character.

Work on capitalization, and on tightening up writing mechanics. My biggest issue was with Wanda's language--even though it's entirely in character, it's uncomfortable to read in a Christian site. Better, perhaps, to write something like "Wanda screamed a horrible name at Tawny."

Your writing shows promise.
05/01/06
Powerful writing. I felt a slight jar when the mother realted all of Wanda's problems to Tawny's weight - it didn't seem to make sense. True, people aren't always rational, but it was so unexpected...
I can cope with 'bitch' but wouldn't wasnt to be reading anything stronger on this web site
05/02/06
Agree with comments, especially about the wording. But an overall strong story about addiction.