The Official Writing Challenge
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Nicely done. The narrator's tone comes through well.

I really liked the second to last stanza. Beautifully stated and packs a punch. I could even see that one stanza leading to a story. Think about it.

Good work.
Hhhmmnn, me thinks you've been reading my thoughts! But then how could you? Very imaginative and creative description of the existence of many of God's children!

And great encouragement on how to "be a living sacrifice" and do it as unto the Lord! May God bless you with HIS abundant grace in your coming in and in your going out and in the midst of the "valley". Makes me think of both Joseph and David and how their faithfulness in serving in the little things, "taught" them to be mighty and powerful rulers God could trust with much more ...Occupy til I come. Advance O Mighty One in the making!!!
This poem communicates very effectively the things that many of us deal with day after day.

It would be even more effective to take the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the "Now I lay me..." poem and use them in the rest of the poem. A few minor adjustments could accomplish that.

Good job!