The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/13/06
Oh, how I wish more high school students were as sensitive! I was a bit put-off though, by "...she could venture into people's souls and change them..." and "...she broke the chains that bound him..." I'm sure that's not your intention, but it sounded as if Dameon's salvation came from Angel, not from Christ. Perhaps a slight re-write? Nice approach to the topic.
interesting story here, but l wasn't sure why she could enter into people and change them. Also the chains that bind us can only be broken by Christ.

I did find your story intresting. I wondered if Angel was an Angel, was she??
03/14/06
yes she's his gardian angel
03/14/06
I think it's important in Christian fiction to make sure that the reader is given enough to understand or think about where the power comes from. A lot of writers use 'God', but in the comments above, it made me think about responsibility...that readers may be 'young' Christians, or haven't made the commitment - it would be then easy for the reader to mis-interpret and put their own spin on it.

This is good writing, and needs a confidence from you in making sure the reader understands because this peice has the opportunity of reaching that 'between' age group. There's enough fluffy/build your own conclusion stuff being force-fed to kids. But this-what you write has a strong message attached to it.

Creative!
What an interesting read. A fabulous idea.
03/17/06
The second setence - should be...she "wandered" around, not wondered. However, thanks for sharing the story with us. God bless.