The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/13/06
Good job! I laughed out loud when you forced me to make the mental transition from "Jesus" to "HAY-soos." My only (minor) suggestion would be to break up the long second paragraph into 2 or 3 smaller ones. Great implications in the ending, and bravo for giving your reader the chance to write Susan's next chapter.
03/13/06
Perhaps the problem with the name could be solved by making sure that you use the appropriate accents when using foreign names, ie Jesús. Might help some readers at least, make the switch. Well done.
03/14/06
This was very good. I was right there with her. You just inadverently left off the n't on didn't in the last paragraph. I really liked it.
03/15/06
I just loved your story! You leave us wanting more. Wonderful!
03/15/06
Really good idea for a story. The idea of someone who has given out many keys from her life. A possible turning point for her comes through a locksmith named Jesus. One suggestion might be to not repeat verbs like "rummage." Enjoyed your story.
03/15/06
Ha! Living a few miles from Mexico has its advantages. Had me smiling after reading how she read his name on his workshirt. Got the double meaning right off which made me full out grin.

I loved the flow here. Caught me up with the lost keys first, kept me there with the bio-lifestyle, and had me chuckling with an 'amen' at the end.
03/15/06
okay mom it's as good as mine. lol. luv ya
Very entertaining! You have a great storytelling ability. I usually find it difficult to follow stories all the way through if they don't have dialogue, but you did a marvelous job of describing her every move. Great! Though, I did notice that your character probably should have said "...didn't think of that..." instead of "“Now why did I think of this myself." Great job!