The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/09/06
First, I LOVED your dialog here! You are a natural with it, none of it seemed like you were trying to make good dialog. It just flowed freely! Great!

There are a couple of things I would have liked to have to help me connect to your character; and understand the story a little better. I would have loved to know her and her friend’s names. And maybe add some inner struggles or visual descriptions as well as dialog.

I think you have a good beginning to a gripping story; you just need to fill it in more. I look forward to seeing your next work!
03/10/06
Nice story. :) I thought the dialog was pretty good.
03/10/06
I really enjoyed your story. It really makes one think if they have REALLY given their life over to God. So often we pray, telling God that our lives are his and that we trust him with all areas of it, but then something will happen where we hold back due to insecurity, etc. A good prayer for those who are struggling with this is to ask God to help them to trust and surrender to him. God knows how hard it is and he will be with us as we step out in faith. Great going.
03/10/06
Oh! Its me! Its me! Its me!
Yikes. repentance is so hard sometimes.
03/10/06
I would have liked some descriptions in addition to the dialog, to flesh out the characters. You did a good job of portraying the conflicting emetions here.
03/10/06
I needed a few more details to go with the conversation. But I was going "ouch, ouch, stop kicking me" all the way through. Good job.
03/11/06
Great job here! You have enough word count left to add some scenery and more descriptions of what is going on to complete the picture of a very real struggle many will relate to! Just expand it a little more - you've got the most important part down pat - the emotion of the dialogue! Go for it!
03/13/06
I bet many of us could relate to this! Spot on. Taking the guilt and fear that many of us feel, but taking it on to more extremes helps us identify it in ourselves.
A timely topic, for sure, as you can tell from these responses. I agree that it would be helpful to expand the character development a bit...for the reader to be able to identify more personally. Overall, a very well done story on a delicate subject that applies to many. THANK YOU! :-)