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Topic: Enter (02/27/06)
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TITLE: Healing Peace | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gloria Gunderson
03/05/06 -
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It was a warm and breezy evening, the kind that brought to Erin’s mind thoughts of summers gone by. It was the kind of night where you could step outside, put your face toward the evening stars, close your eyes, and feel the breeze on your face. On nights like these, if you breathed in the air just right, you could feel God touching your soul. Tonight reminded Erin of a night just like that, but those were happier times. Those were nights when she still had Jonathan.
She quickly pushed any desire for God away. She couldn’t let those thoughts enter her mind. She had to do life on her own now. She had no choice. God could not be trusted. He proved that to her the day Jonathan died. She hastened her pace as she walked up the sidewalk to the front door of her mother’s house so she could ignore God’s breath on her face.
As she unlocked the front door and stepped inside, she heard the mantel clock chiming the quarter-hour. She found comfort in that sound. It was the sound of home. She heard her mother’s bedroom door open upstairs. No matter how late at night she arrived back home for a visit, her mother always greeted her. She waited at the bottom of the stairs for her usual hug. As her mother reached the last step, Erin could feel the tears filling her heart again. They always seemed to fill her heart without becoming actual tears. It was so good to see her mother. They hadn’t seen each other since the funeral.
Her mother started talking even while she was giving Erin a kiss on the cheek. “How are you, sweetie? Did you have a good drive? I made some of my special peanut butter cookies for you. Can you sit down for awhile and have some milk and cookies with me?”
“Yes, I had a good drive. Of course, I can sit with you and have some of your delicious cookies.” Erin kissed her mother’s cheek in return and finally felt a tear escaping. Her mother’s presence comforted her.
While they were enjoying their snack, her mother started the conversation first. “Erin, you didn’t answer one of my questions. How are you? How are you really doing?”
“Mom, I can’t go there right now. I just can’t.”
“Erin, I’ve been praying for you so much and I need to talk to you about something that’s been weighing heavy on my heart. When your father died, I remember being so angry at God. Just like you. It’s not easy to lose somebody you love. I know that it’s not.”
Erin let the flood of tears finally come and her mother placed her hand on Erin’s cheek and encouraged her. “Please, Erin, let God back into your heart. God didn’t cause the war that Jonathan died for. Men caused that. He didn’t want Jonathan to die and is crying right along with you. Let God touch your heart. Just sit in prayer and listen to what God has to say before you go to bed. He’ll talk to you. I know that He will.”
“I’ll try, mom. I promise you I’ll try.”
Erin kept her promise and knelt in prayer before she went to bed. At first, she didn’t hear God’s voice. Then, she had the courage to ask God to talk to her. “God, I can’t hear you. I used to hear you, but I’ve pushed you away for so long and I can’t get you back. Please talk to me. I know that I need you. Please forgive me.”
Erin listened with her heart and finally let God speak to her. Once she heard His voice, she knew that He had been there for her all along. “So long ago, you let me come into your life and capture your heart. Now, let me enter into the deepest part of your heart. Let me touch your pain and your disappointments with my peace. Let me enter your soul, the very essence of your entire being and heal you.”
Erin started crying again, knowing that she could finally feel God again. Only, now she felt Him in an even deeper way and knew that she would never feel alone again no matter what happened in her life.
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