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Topic: Space (01/23/06)
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TITLE: My Own Space | Previous Challenge Entry
By Kathy Olson
01/29/06 -
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I really did not want to become a Jesus freak. I fought it tooth and nail. I had seen other people who had been saved. I had heard their non-believing family and friends voice the fear that they had lost their minds. The loved ones would reminisce about better days when said Christian (this was always said as if it were something unpleasant) used to be normal and fun. Then disappointment would be conveyed. Would this formerly sane, obviously brain washed person ever return to normal? After a while, disappointment turned to resignation when friends, tired of waiting for the return to normalcy, fell away. Family, not having the same option, stood by, unable to cross the space they could not comprehend. Of course it was nice to like Jesus, they said, but to embrace him with everything that you are and commit your life to Him? That was just crazy. Something must surely be done, but what could it be? Especially when there was no concrete person to blame for the brain washing, just Jesus himself.
I most definitely did not want to go through that. When I found my own salvation, I vowed to myself I would not preach, I would not change, I would still be fun, and most importantly, I would not, under any circumstances, force my beliefs on other people. I would stay open to the fact that everyone had their own ideas on faith and spirituality and never try to interfere with their choices. I would respect their space, so to speak. Had I known what true salvation really means, I would have seen how futile it was to make that vow.
You see, I hadn’t factored Christ in when I made that vow. I didn’t realize how much just knowing him would change me. What I had considered preaching from believers prior to my redemption, I now recognized as an uncontainable enthusiasm to share the Good News they discovered. I didn’t know how much I would share that enthusiasm.
I didn’t realize not only would I change, I would long to change. I didn’t want to be a person who didn’t know Christ any longer. I loved the person that I was becoming by knowing him. I discovered new ways to change every day to try to be as much like Him as I could. And, I continue to search for things I need to change about myself to keep my bubble of space intact.
I didn’t realize how drastically my definition of fun would change. It became anything I could do to please Him, not how often and how long I could “party.” I realized why the old friends often fall away when a person receives Christ. If they don’t believe, they have absolutely no clue what that kind of fun is.
Mostly, I didn’t realize although I try to respect other’s choices, when I see a non-believer in turmoil, it’s hard for me to stay quiet. I find myself nudging in, “I know what can help. I’ve been where you are. Let me introduce you to someone who longs to help you…” I feel a duty to try to help them find their own space.
No, I didn’t want to become a Jesus freak. But become one I did. And, I have discovered people like to keep a lot of space between themselves and those they consider freaks. Luckily for me, that space is filled with my salvation. I have one those old friends who’s heartbroken that I’m not the same person I was before I found Christ. She shakes her head sadly, I’m sure, and remembers times when I used to be fun. I, on the other hand, rejoice that I’m not that person anymore. I love the space I’ve been given and pray she will someday find her own.
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