The Official Writing Challenge
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It seemed like there was more written about the woman's care for herself than needed. The story could have flowed along a little more rapidly.
GREAT story and message. BUt...it needs to be tightened up a lot. Condense, combine ideas, and cut length by 1/3. It repeats the same ideas over and over in too many ways. That is my opinion, and that being said, it is wonderfully creative. Would make a good fairy tale story for pre-teen or teenage girls.
11/23/18
Interesting article, however its disjointed, repetitive and to long. Scriptural references would be a plus. Looking forward to future writings.
What if everyone who posted in Challenge entries also commented on/critiqued at least three others? I'm shocked that so many post, and so few read and post a review for others. It seems only a few people have the courtesy to critique but would like the critiques on their own. I am new here, and originally was excited about this site. If you are one who DOES regularly read and comment on others work, then may the Lord bless you mightily and publish you quickly.
11/24/18
This story has great potential and is worth spending time on, editing carefully. The above suggestions are a good place to start. I think you meant 'fateful' - not 'faithful'. You've made a good beginning!
This is a charming idea. You show the worst of what vanity can do. You have some great descriptions. You do more telling than showing, but with practice, this can be fixed easily. The beginning is so important these days. You need to grab your reader right away before they click to another story. For example, I might suggest something like this: The woman plopped down in the chair and stared at the mirror. Picking up her brush, she stroked her long, black hair. "Look at how it shines! Oh I bet everyone I saw today marveled at my glistening hair." Leaning in, she rubbed cream into her face. The results made her smile. She noticed her teeth were so white, she cringed when she thought of her co-worker's yellow teeth. <i>No wonder she always compliments me and I catch her sneaking peeks at me. I'm gorgeous.<i> (the brackets and I show up in italics in html, which demonstrate thoughts.)

I took some liberties, but I wanted to tighten it up to show you how easily it can be done while still saying pretty much the same thing. I left out any clichés. Your own words will almost always be more powerful. The biggest thing I tried to do is show, not tell. By using body language, thoughts, and dialog, you can paint a picture for your reader.

You do a great job of tackling the topic. By tightening some of it, you'll have more words to describe her actions. Perhaps consider including another person, add dialog between the two. I'm not quite sure what you meant by maintaining boxes, but by painting a picture, it might be easy to figure out.

I thought the ending was lovely. The message is outstanding and even brought a tear to my eye. Often we search for happiness in all the wrong places and little do we know the answer is just mere inches from us. It's a powerful ending. You've built a great foundation here. I've found that the more I read and leave constructive feedback, the better my own writing becomes. It can be daunting at first, but I'd love to encourage you to leave constructive comments on every article in your level and maybe two or three from each of the others. You may feel new to writing, but remember we write for the readers, not other authors, and I bet you've been reading since you were little. You really have a great foundation here, and I can feel your passion.