The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/26/18
Great line: "So many layers, I feel like a Yeti." Made me laugh. You really went on this trip? Incredible. Great scripture at the end to tie it all in together. Before submitting your story though, you might want to print it out and take a good look at it. Some of your paragraphs seemed to run into each other. There weren't paragraph breaks where there should have been some. That simple act would polish this up greatly, make it sharper and easier to read. I did enjoy the trip.
07/26/18
Great job with the descriptions and the writing in general. I felt like the conclusion needed a little more, but other than that and some work on the formatting/visual presentation of the piece, I thought it was very well done.
This is delightful. You do a nice job of painting the picture for the reader. The one suggestion I have is to make sure you indicate that the MC is wondering what the penguins might be saying since you wouldn't be able to know for sure. Other than that slight POV shift, I think you did a grand job of writing on topic. I so enjoyed the art in your words.
I loved your descriptive imagery throughout and was left hanging until the very end. I could feel your joy in the fulfillment of your "dream of a lifetime" and found myself celebrating with you such an awesome experience. Well done!