The Official Writing Challenge
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You have a great foundation here. I liked the way you explained it. You made me stop and think and that's always a good thing. When quoting anything, make sure you use quotation marks and reference the translation if quoting the Bible. Ask someone to read your entry aloud before submitting. If she stumbles, you might need to rephrase some lines. Also having someone proof it for you to pick up little things like hyphens in numbers like twenty-four and whether instead of weather. (I think you meant whether, but I had a hard time totally understanding what you were trying to say and a good proofreader could help sort that out.) Be careful about using general terms too like every body wants to achieve... I'd bet that some aren't looking forward to living too long. Something as little as that can make a huge difference. Perhaps instead, use the first person: As I greet each day... I need not fret... I want to achieve... Using the first person can also make it a more intimate experience for the reader. Also remember to use semicolons instead of commas if separating two complete phrases that could each be a complete sentence on its own. I enjoyed your message. You have an artistic way of painting with poetry. You nailed the topic in a great way. Your message is a important one and really touched my heart. Good job.