The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 139 times
Member Comments
I am with you! My sentiments exactly. . . even the convicting conclusion. Well said.
Wow, you make me feel my pain, and I love the conclusion. I may be wrong, but I think we're supposed to avoid using the theme word in the piece. Great job!
This is so well done...great writing.

I liked this. You did a great job of pulling me in with a clear conflict right away. I could totally relate and picture and hear the scene clearly. I'd suggest instead of using clichés like Happy camper or Period, that you try to use your own words to express those frustrations. I chuckled about the out-dated boom box. I knew just what you meant.To me, it felt like you jumped around a bit--starting in bed to in the car to in the movie without great transitions. You did some transitioning, and I can't explain why it wasn't enough for me. I think maybe because it felt like a writing assignment about noise instead of your story, if that makes sense. Clearly the connection in each paragraph was spot on topic. (It's perfectly fine to use the topic word in your article, but since you are a strong writer, I might encourage you to try writing without using it. Check out some in level four and you will probably find quite a few that are still on topic yet don't use the word.) But it also felt like at times your voice changed. Again, it's hard for me to explain, but it seemed like you started painting a story, then the voice switched to speaking to the reader, and again to telling the moral of the story. It almost felt like there were three different writers,
With all that vagueness said, I think you did a great job. I'm an insomniac myself (It's 3 am right now). Maybe if you had kept that tone throughout by using dialog, body language, or thoughts,I may not have felt that disconnect. For example: Yawning, I arched the kinks out of my back and mumbled, "Hey Dude, don't you know I haven't slept? Seriously, look at my dark circles. No, no, keep your eyes on the road!"
Although I took great liberties on that, I hope it will show you what I'm trying to say. I also added some humor in the dialog because I enjoyed your subtle humor immensely and believe you have a great gift. Your message was profound. It really touched my heart and made me stop and think, which is always a great thing. Keep writing. You are a true artist and have a gift God needs you to use. You spoke to my heart.