The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/26/18
This was an interesting look at the stress and responsibilities related to living in two different kinds of houses.

Red ink: there were some grammatical and mechanical errors and the ending felt a bit sudden. It would have been good to tie both kinds of stress together with some ending thoughts on how the mc is going to move forward in regards to that stress.
You did a nice job of writing on topic. Moving is definitely one of the bigger stressors in life. In order to make this more gripping for the reader, you need to include more details. Show me what the MC is going through instead of just telling. For example, I might edit like this:
Walking into my townhouse, I look around and suddenly my heart starts pounding as sweat builds up on my upper lips. <i> I can't wait to move in two months.</i>
I groan as I grab the garbage and trudge down the steps out into the pouring rain.
This is just a quick example to show what I mean by trying to paint a picture for the reader. You can show why taking the garbage out might be a pain instead of just telling.
You have some great thoughts here though, and the more you write, the easier it will be to show things like this. I might also encourage you to have the MC speak the prayer. It'll show readers different ways to pray while adding depth to your character. You have a good idea with the title of adventures in moving, next you just need to bring all that stress right to the reader. Keep writing and I'd also encourage you to read and comment on other challenges too, in all levels. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
01/28/18
Moving is such an enormous and emotional upheaving. The thought of moving is unsettling but, God will show us the way when it's necessary.

Good job with the topic.

Blessings~
I would like to stress that each paragraph should have main thought that holds it together. Other sentences will make it fall apart.
Here is an example from your piece. These two sentences in the same paragraph don't seem to fit together.

" I have two cats. They are pretty clean, and they don't have major health issues."

Tell about the apartments being "pet friendly" in one paragraph and then in the next paragraph tell how nice and clean they are.

There will be less confusion that way.

I know what you mean about stress in moving. We have had to do it with 3, 4, and 5 kids. Others will also relate to your stress.

You will have many life experiences to write about. Keep them coming.
Moving is always tough. You gave a nice contrast about the problems and concerns.
02/02/18
Congratulations on your 3rd place finish in the Beginners category, Cheryl.

While most people want a house, I like an apartment because I don't have the money for the repairs and upkeep.

I hope you have a good experience in your new place.

There are some good suggestions listed in the comments about how to improve your story.