Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: GET COLD FEET (10/12/17)
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TITLE: Good Heavy Socks | Previous Challenge Entry
By Penny Neimiller
10/19/17 -
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“Wow, not half bad.†I told myself looking in my bedroom mirror quite impressed with what I had just seen and heard. I wanted this part more than anything I had wanted in a long time. I knew I could do it, and I was sure I could pull it off this time.
It was just one week prior that they announced the choice for our Senior class play. It was going to be the comedy, ‘If A Man Answers.’ Based on a novel by David Rogers, the main female character Chantal, receives advice from her mother on how to make her husband happy. â€You must treat him like a dog,†She instructed Chantal as she handed her a dog-training manual.
I had all the lines mastered, the faces and poses ready, and the accent on the right words. To be on the safe side, I prepared for both Chantal and her mother’s part. All I needed to pull this off was to come up with ‘the nerve.’
Finally, the day of tryouts came. I had no idea that there would be so many wanting the same parts that I prepared for.
Betty was good but Jackie was even better. In fact, Jackie was perfect. All fifteen that tried out were better than I would be. No need to stick around and make a fool of myself I thought, I’ll just leave before they ...
“Penny, Penny Delucio... “
...call my name.
“Go Penny, they called your name!†my friend Dan said as he nudged me out of my seat.
“No, I changed my mind,†I said.
“Go for it! You can do it!
I don’t remember what else was said after that, I just remember finding myself in the corner on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out, angry at myself and everyone who paid attention. “Just leave me alone!†I yelled. They listened. The room was cold.
I have always lacked confidence and drive. Not necessarily talent or ability, but drive. I think the thing I had most successfully achieved in my life was that of having cold feet.
Most often it is the voices we cherish the most, that we listen to the most, especially when we are small. I’m not sure why I drove my father crazy but it was what I seemed to do best. I constantly was finding myself telling him I was sorry and meaning it with my whole heart only to hear him swear at me what he would do, If he heard me say it one more time. “I’m sorry...†I’d say. Then run away crying before he could prove to me that he had meant it.
I remember the first time I got a 'D' on my report card. It was a long bus ride home, and I imagined all the bad things that was going to happen when my parents found out. I think I was more disappointed, then relieved, when nothing happened. They didn’t seem to expect anymore than a 'D' from their “stupid†daughter and so after that, neither did I. Why bother? If I am as "stupid" and “retarded†as I had been told repeatedly since I was able to walk, what difference would it make? I need to make clear it was not my mother who said this, because she too was told she was “stupid.†So she said nothing.
Why try? Why have an opinion? What does it matter?
Twenty-one years later, second marriage, I mattered. My husband made me want to try. It felt good to have my opinion listened to and considered. I finally heard what God had been trying to tell me all along, He loves me! With Him, I can do all things!
Cold feet? Yes, I still have them, but I’ve learned to just put some good heavy socks on, ignore them, and “Go for it!†It is amazing what ‘we’ can do when we know the truth!
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Well written and understood.
If we grow up thinking we are "dumb," it is hard to break the "why try" attitude. This devotional has many good points within it, and I'm glad the MC put on her good heavy socks.