The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What a satisfying ending! Loved it. A piece of advice that I read once and have always followed is "Never start with dialogue." It does seem to work better to set the scene a little first. The conversation where Ed tacks the modern day onto the Bible quote is funny and true.
I enjoyed this very much. You will not be in this level long. Great job. I agree about the dialogue advice.

It was a little predictable. I thought the ending was very good.

I can see some great stories coming. Keep writing and accept any helpful feedback. God bless.
I enjoyed this. I could picture the two men, green with envy.
With my health problems, I learned a long time ago that if I had to choose between keeping a pristine (or even a standard to keep people from calling the health department) or spending time with my family, it was a no Brainerd. All three kids are amazing adults and I've even managed to keep health department at bay! I now have a lot of catching up to do, though. Your story reminded me that I made the right choice. The neighbors don't envy my house, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard that people wish their kids were as amazing as mine. That is so much more important. Thanks I needed this story today.
Thanks for entering the Challenge this past week.

You did a nice job of painting the scene...I could envision the two guys as they chatted away.

There were quite a few opportunities to improve your punctuation. I've found the writing lessons on the Forums quite helpful.

Jan's Writing Basics

Ann's Grammar Basics

I encourage you to check them out, see what catches your eye, and take a few of these short lessons.

In one place you mentioned the how Greg was interested in a camper. Then five paragraphs down you reference the motor home. I would pair these next to each other because they are like-minded.

Overall, you did a great job painting the picture, and your writing kept me engaged. Great job. I hope you do well with the judges. Keep writing.
I enjoyed this very nice job!
Very nice job! I could picture the two neighbors conversing and coveting.

I thought you did a good job with some descriptive sentences:

"sleek gray and black machine"

"size of a postage stamp"

"ogle their neighbors precision cut hedges.

These sentences help present the scene in our minds.

A good reminder the grass isn't always greener on the other side!

Keep writing!
Congratulations on your 1st place finish in the Beginners category, Karen.

A good reminder to be careful what you wish for.