The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/03/17
Some very interesting facts about the butterflies. I liked your comparison to the frailty of man in your conclusion. Perhaps the general flow of the article could be improved if you could combine the fact and the fiction into one compete story.
You used an interesting story to help the reader focus on your focus.

Nicely done. If we are not faithful till death, we are not focused.
03/06/17
Interesting story, all the more so since it's based on a real situation. I agree with another reviewer that a more fluid blending of fact and fiction would have improved the story. Keep calm and write on!
You have a lot of good things in this story. Your beginning creates a sense of suspense that pulls me in right away. I was eager to read and find out what was in the box.

Be sure to proofread your entries before submitting. You were missing punctuation (Periods or commas go inside quotation marks.) You can put thoughts and onomatopoeia (ding dong) in italics.

I think you nailed the topic. I liked your message, but the transition from the story to the devotion part could use a bit of smoothing out. Overall, you did a fine job. Keep writing and I urge you to read and comment on as many other entries as possible.
03/08/17
I liked your story. I felt that you did a good job of drawing me into it. Some good scriptural thoughts. Spend more time on editing the next story. It will come out with a cleaner format and less grammatical errors. I will watch for your next piece. I anticipate a really good story. God bless.
03/08/17
I am glad scientists were able to resurrect the Palos Verdes blue butterflies.

Your information was very interesting, but the transitions were somewhat awkward.
03/09/17
Congratulations on your 1st place in the Beginners Category, Linda. Now you like butterflies can take flight to the Intermediate category.
03/25/17
It is so true that something that can draw our attention (focus) and captivate us is not always an evil in itself, but has the potential same end result. Great ananology.

This article was excellently written. The tittle was superb, and so were the tone, diction and content. You surely deserved the new level. Thank you for ministering to me and many others.