The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/15/16
Very creative approach to this week's topic. I wasn't sure if it was a poem or a short story. I liked the use of the hover board for flying.
This is interesting and has huge potential. I liked what you created, although I wish you'd gone farther and given me more clues about the MC. The guard made me wonder if he had been in prison, maybe even someone like Paul or a disciple.

Another thing you might want to consider is add more details. For example: The room shook as I jumped to my feet with my mouth hanging open while drool plopped down my chin. I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head. After the shaking stopped, I squinted, and I couldn't fathom the significance of what stood in front of me.
That's just a quick example of taking your words and expanding on them.

You have a lot of solid things here. You pull the reader in right away. You did a good job of writing on topic. I enjoyed the subtle conflicts. Your message is a great one--one that so many of us need to cling to these days. Keep writing, and better still keep reading. I'd love to challenge you to read and comment on each entry in your level and five more from levels three and four. The more you read and give cinstruct feedback, the faster and bigger you will grow as a writer.
12/22/16
Congratulations, Gloria, on placing 3rd place in the Beginners category.

I enjoyed your piece very much and look forward to reading more in the new year.
Gloria, I liked your imaginative story. I thought the story could have been expanded to answer some missing pieces.

I wanted to know why the guard came to the gate.

Keep working on your craft.