The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 211 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This was a good example of why a cell phone is useful today in case of an emergency.

There were two or three spelling or grammar errors but they did not impede the reading of the piece.

you're = you are
your = used like "your books".

You have a lot to offer in your writing. Keep it coming.
11/20/16
You have a very conversational style that brings the emotions of a brief drama (and who hasn't experienced similar driving dramas?) to life.
You have plenty of room to develop this story, and showing as well as telling would add even more life ... Let's hear the coughs or splutters of the engine ... the heat/coldness or sense of isolation that added to the drama.... some conversation between the couple - or with others at the gas station, where somebody offers an inevitable and unhelpful comment like: "My uncle had that model, and he was always having the same trouble!!!"
11/20/16
"If you're on a highway" / "couldn't use any roaming charges / "right" instead of write... just a few grammar corrections to be made to your good story. Also a space between paragraphs makes for easier reading. Thanks for entering the Challenge!
11/24/16
This short piece has some good insights in it.

Suggestions:

Show don't tell

We were traveling down Route 54 when our car just stopped.

Gary turned the key, but nothing happened.

Use dialogue:

"Is your cell getting a signal?"

The word write should have been right.

I think you have great potential as a writer.