The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/28/16
Like your listeners at your nieces' funeral, I'd never have thought to link salvation and meteorology. Very creative!

I felt that the beginning of this bogged down and bit, and that the very interesting part began at the fourth paragraph. There were several other places where some tightening would make this a more engaging read, but all in all this is a strong entry, particularly for Level One.
This is interesting. I like the idea of God's calendar. I often joke that time is a man-made device. God doesn't need time. Our frail human brains can't even begin to wrap themselves around what eternity really means.

I've noticed when writing true stories, I can easily bog the reader down with details that are important to me, but not necessarily to the reader. It's a really difficult thing to do, but often clipping off some of those details will leave room for dialog, body language, and even thoughts.

You've a great start, and I encourage you to keep on writing and reading other challenge entries. I'd like to challenge you to comment on at least two entries in each level. By figuring out what you like or don't like in others, allows you to see those same things in your own writings. You have a great deal of wisdom to share. I love that you testified at a funeral. What better place to do so than one where Jesus' love is so desperately needed to help comfort those aching hearts. Good job.
Yes, there is a time to be born and a time to die and it is God's time and not ours to question even though we do.

The sower speaks of seed being sown into different soils - some good but others not good.His word, though, will not come back to him void. It will yield fruit - hopefully fruit from the good soil.

Thank you for your family story - well told. Our example may be the light to light the path towards the good soil where the seed may germinate and grow 30, or 60 or 100 fold.
10/31/16
You have a great message in this writing and, overall, you communicated it well.

I agree with others about a better beginning would have been at about the fourth paragraph.

Your writing is very clear, but I also agree you could tighten it up eliminating unnecessary or duplicate information.

Here is an example to consider for your paragraphs beginning with "During eulogies" and ending with "Mourners wondered..." :

Eulogies during the burial ceremony went on for many hours and included a variety of speakers from all walks of life and age groups. Aunt Rhoda and Uncle Lamuel, both septuagenarians, numerous friends, and other lay persons, lamented about the limited span of life and the prevalent life-threatening famine caused by severe climate change. They and other mourners wondered why God would allow young people like Stella to die while allowing elderly and sickly persons to continue in unhappy lives.

I hope this is helpful- just a suggestion on how to keep the same thought content and points, but in a more concise manner. I received this same advice when a beginner and it proved to be very helpful indeed.

Keep writing! A few tweeks is all you need.
10/31/16
I enjoyed reading your uplifting account about how God used a funeral to give new life to six people. To me, the meat of the story started with On 05 September, 2016. Besides feeling a little bumpy in the middle, I thought your story flowed nicely. Thanks for sharing.